Who I am? I seriously don't know. I thought I knew, but I don't. When you're a teenager you don't really pay so much attention to find out who you truly are because you're too busy worrying about your grades, your friends, boyfriends, grilfriends, family, and all that other stuff that we think are more important. But if we don't try to find ourselves, we will always feel lost. I'm not saying you have to know exactly who you are when you start high school, you have plenty of time, you have your whole life ahead of you. But this is just me, it's my thoughts, I believe that everything will be better as soon as you figure out who you are, because you won't be lying to anyone. Right? But as I said, I don't know who I am. It has nothing to do with sexuality or something like that, that's not what I am worrying about. It's more like, I feel empty inside. I don't know what I am doing here. When I woke up this morning I just layed there and thought to myself ''Why am I still in school? Who am I there for?'' And a voice inside me told me ''You're there for yourself, you may wanna quit but don't give up. If I told you: I'll give you one million, will you do your best in school and keep trying?'' My answer was easy, yes of course!

It then contiuned with ''If I give you a future, will you do your best in school and keep trying?'' I'm gonna be honest, I doubt it for a few seconds but then my answer turned out to be the same. Yes. Yes, I'm gonna keep trying. A future is so much more worth than one million. It's my life, I can make it the way I want and my aducation will never end. But one million will sooner or later be gone, what am I supposed to do then? Go back to school and start over? No way in hell.

I have around 76 weeks left in school, then I'm out of here. I'm gonna leave everything and just go. Where I live now, nothing really happens, and I've seen it so much so I'm tired of it now. I wanna see new things, show me what our world looks like! I have over 140 things on my bucket list, and I can't wait! I'm so damn excited! 

But moving on, that's my future, and we're not there yet. Right now, I don't really know who I am. I am a person on the inside but I'm a different person on the outside. That's my problem. I can stand in front of the mirror and talk to myself, pretending to talk with people, alomst practice on how to say things and just act out, which is crazy if you think about it because I'm supposed to be able to be myself, but I just don't know who that person is at the moment. 

My best friend found herself, and I want to do that too. So I'm gonna start living a little now, my life has been so boring. Today I have just layed in my bed all day and panicking over the fact that my life is boring. Seriously. I have to do something, I have two years left, then I can start over again, but until then, I have to let myself free. I've always been that shy, quiet and awkward girl that no boy talked to. But I don't wanna be that girl anymore! I'm gonna change my name as soon as possible, I was planning on doing it when I finish school, but why wait? What am I waiting for? I always do this! ''I'm gonna do it later'' BUT WHY LATER?? I DON'T KNOW IF I'M GONNA LIVE TOMORROW, NEXT WEEK, OR IN TWO YEARS. DON'T WAIT, JUST DO IT. I am living NOW. I can't see my future, I don't know how it will turn out, but I know for sure that I will do my best to make it the way I want it to be. I'm gonna change my name to Kaitlin by the way, right now my name is Linn, but that will soon be changed. Linn can after all be a nickname for Kaitlin so :)

I'm not gonna give a fuck about love, boys and all that stuff right now, I'm gonna do my best for my future! Cause it's MY life, I am writing MY story and I won't let anyone else hold that pen. What I'm trying to say is, don't worry if you don't know who you are to 100% right now, let it take time. Life isn't really about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself. Let life touch you but don't let it kill you xx // K